In this episode Mary blends sharing some of her own successful international career journey with multiple golden nuggets of advice and resources to help you master your self and own your future.
I hope you found some helpful points to reflect on and more importantly act on. As Mary says, quoting Susan Jeffers, "Feel the fear and do it anyway!"
Contact Mary:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-barrett/
Email: mary@marybarrett.global
Website: https://marybarrett.global
Listen to the launch episode of A Cup of Tea with Mary B.
Spotify: #1 The Launch Episode
This episode of CAREER-VIEW MIRROR is brought to you by Aquilae.
For details of our forthcoming guests follow us on Instagram @careerviewmirror
Email: cvm@aquilae.co.uk
Episode recorded on 20 January 2023
In this episode Mary blends sharing some of her own successful international career journey with multiple golden nuggets of advice and resources to help you master your self and own your future.
I hope you found some helpful points to reflect on and more importantly act on. As Mary says, quoting Susan Jeffers, "Feel the fear and do it anyway!"
Contact Mary:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-barrett/
Email: mary@marybarrett.global
Website: https://marybarrett.global
Listen to the launch episode of A Cup of Tea with Mary B.
Spotify: #1 The Launch Episode
This episode of CAREER-VIEW MIRROR is brought to you by Aquilae.
For details of our forthcoming guests follow us on Instagram @careerviewmirror
Email: cvm@aquilae.co.uk
Episode recorded on 20 January 2023
I am sitting in lovely Siesta Key Florida.
Sherene Redelinghuys:I'm coming from Bangkok in Thailand
Daniel von Treeck:Prague in the Czech Republic
Osman Abdelmoneim:Cairo in Egypt
Holger Drott:Auckland, New Zealand
Shannon Faulkner:London, England.
Andy:Welcome to Career-view Mirror, the automotive podcast that goes behind the scenes with key players in the industry, looking back over their careers so far, sharing insights to help you with your own journey. I'm your host, Andy Follows Hello, listeners, and welcome to this side mirror episode of Career-view Mirror. If you're a regular listener, thank you. You'll be aware that most of our episodes feature interviews with people in the automotive industry, who kindly share their life and career journeys with us. We celebrate their careers, listen to their stories, and learn from their experiences. From time to time we also publish these side mirror episodes, which are usually an opportunity for me to share some content with you related to careers, or developing ourselves or people we lead, parent or mentor that I hope you'll find valuable. We recently introduced a new twist. I wanted to be able to introduce you to some of the very interesting people in my network who are not from the automotive industry. We had Mark Slater from the telecoms industry. We had Alex Case who talked about continuous learning in the UK Royal Marines. And we have Claire Edwards from Brain Smart introducing us to neuro leadership. For this episode, I'd like to introduce you to Mary Barrett, the Mind Coach. Mary has many years experience as a coach. She had a successful corporate career with Barclays Bank and BMW before starting her own business Mary Barrett Global, which specialises in empowering mind mastery. As well as being the Mind Coach, she's a clinical hypnotherapist, NLP trainer, and podcaster. In this conversation, we talk about many diverse topics, including empowering mind mastery, emotional intelligence, Neuro Linguistic Programming, taking ownership of your own career and the professional benefits of practising improvised comedy or improv is its known. Mary has her own podcast called A Cup of Tea with Mary B, in which she interviews ordinary people who do extraordinary things. And we talk about that too. Mary's an extraordinary person herself, you'll hear that she exudes confidence, self belief, curiosity, and positive energy and is highly motivated to help others. I had a lot of fun talking with her. And I'm excited to share our conversation in this episode. As always, I look forward to hearing what resonates with you. Hello, Mary, and welcome. And where are you coming to us from today?
Mary Barrett:Hello Andy, delighted to be here. I'm coming all the way from sunny Singapore.
Andy:And that question was very much for the benefit of my listeners. Because of course, I know you're in Singapore, and you are in the same apartment, the beautiful low rise condo that we used to live in. So not only are you in my hometown, but you're in my home home address almost as well.
Mary Barrett:And it is such, as you know, it's such a beautiful place to live. We're very grateful, very grateful.
Andy:And we were just saying before we started recording, it's an exciting time of year coming up to Chinese New Year. So what's that gonna mean for you?
Mary Barrett:Oh, it's just such a beautiful time of year. When I first arrived here 13 years ago, I didn't believe Singapore had any weather seasons, because it just got hot, hot and hotter. Now, 13 years later, I really appreciate the change in the seasons, you know, the rains and the winds that come and from November to February, there's a real cooling breeze that comes through the whole island that just makes it more beautiful to live here. And there's a real sense of excitement with Chinese New Year and I've been down to Chinatown and all the decorations are up, we've got two public holidays. And there's a real air of excitement and fun, very family focused, lots of cultural traditions. And as you remember those beautiful drums for the lion dances and everything. So it's a really lovely celebratory time here. And so I feel very grateful that I have like normal New Year. And then we have Chinese or the Lunar New Year, too. And this year, it's the year of the rabbit. And our son was born in the year of the rabbit. So in 12 years time when it comes around again, he'll be 24 which is really quite staggering when I start to think about it.
Andy:Well, it happens Mary. No, fantastic that you've got that to look forward to. You're joining me on your Friday evening going into that long weekend. And you are bringing back lots of memories of the festivities. Say a little bit about the business that you're doing now. And yeah, and what you're up to.
Mary Barrett:So I arrived 13 years ago with that beautiful title, don't know if Julia remembers it, trailing dependent.
Andy:trailing spouse is the one that I remember
Mary Barrett:Trailing dependent, you know so motivational isn't it. I always imagine walking behind my husband, my hand is trailing on the ground behind him. He had the work pass and so I came as the trailing dependent.
Andy:I'm thinking of that picture of Christopher Robin dragging Winnie the Pooh by the leg.
Mary Barrett:Exactly. But I'd be delighted because we moved here from Sweden for four years. So arrived from Stockholm minus 17 in the January to Singapore plus 34. Which I must say a preferred the plus 34. Yeah, completely different. And I had my own business already. I had been working across Europe and the UK. Primarily, I started my business actually in the UK, and Sweden, Stockholm, and carried on my business but worked a little bit more in Europe. And then, of course, because I'm my own master my own destiny, I came across to Singapore and started my business again. So I actually started my business three times once in the UK, once in Stockholm, and then again, the last 13 years in Singapore.
Andy:Was that a frustration? Or was it an opportunity to start three times?
Mary Barrett:I think it's, it's made me the great coach I am today, to be honest Andy, it's all part of the journey. You know, I commuted a lot. So obviously, my client base was in the UK, so I used to commute quite regularly from Stockholm, Arlanda Airport to London Heathrow, the joys of London Heathrow, and on a Friday evening and built my business there and got the opportunity then to spend some time working with organisations in Europe, specifically Stockholm as well. And then coming across the Singapore, each time you start your new business, or your business is trying to improve it and enhance it and, and just say what do I love doing? What do I not love doing? And so each time I'm shaping it and changing it. So when I originally started my company and working for myself 18 years ago, the vision and mission I had, the mission is probably quite similar, but the vision I have for the business is quite different to what it actually is today, and I'm I think I had to go through that journey to get here. And the advantage of, as you know, as someone that's an expat has lived overseas as well, I think the real advantage of living in a country rather than just travelling through a country, you really start to understand the culture, and the pains and the joys of each location. So having that under my belt, and working in such a diverse expat world I do today is only been an opportunity, not saying there wasn't frustrations along the way. Of course, you know, spending time away weeks at a time in the UK when I wanted to be my home in Stockholm with Paul, my husband. But overall, it's been a massive, massive advantage.
Andy:Yeah, resonates with me, you saying that your your vision is the same, but the mission might have changed slightly.
Mary Barrett:So the vision is different. But the mission is the same.
Andy:Oh okay. So tell me a bit more about what that is.
Mary Barrett:so originally, when I started my business, my original vision was to build up a business, have lots of coaches working for me, and, you know, a really big business vision, working really within the corporate world, etc. And training people in my methodology. And I'm actually I did that to a degree, I had people working for me as consultants and Associates working for me. And then I think when I moved to Singapore, specifically, I decided that just wasn't a methodology that I wanted to continue, I still want to help people take control of their mind, and therefore their results. So the the mission of allowing people more happiness and freedom rather than pain and suffering is the same. But actually how I'm going about it now is different than I originally set out to do.
Andy:Right? And you said, 18 years ago, you started your business, you started off in the corporate world didn't you Mary? So how did you Where were you? What were you doing? And how did you transition? What was the catalyst for you transitioning to become an entrepreneur.
Mary Barrett:So I worked for Barclays Bank for many, many years, 19, 20 years. And I was I was fortunate at a time when I joined banking, that there were just the Big Four, at that time, the main High Street four and then there was competition for building societies. So the traditional way of being a bank clerk if you like was, you had to be very good at mathematics, securities, very dry black and white stuff, which isn't really my skill set or my personality. But I was fortunate that I joined when they realised they had to have a sales environment because whereas historically, if you want to come in have a bank account with Barclays, come on you need to have at least 100 pounds which is a lot of money at that time, and all of that whereas then they went oh my god, we need to get customers because our competitors and the building societies are now on the market. So I just joined at the right time for me and it suited my personality so I very quickly rose through the ranks as a frontline salesperson, regional sales coach, every job I did within the bank I got really good at it and they go, can you come and train everybody else. So I got into regional roles quite early on. And as part of that, I ended up being a bank manager in a few branches, and was in only my 20s at this stage, and I was fortunate enough to be a bank manager at Barclays Bank in Woodham village beautiful part of the world near the tennis courts, wonderful clientele, great places for lunch. And they asked me to join a eyelet, where they were training their managers slash leaders in coaching. So coaching had never been within only in the sports field at that time. You know, it's quite funny. I spoke to somebody recently who said, you were a coach before it was proper to be a coach. And I went, That's right. Anyone's a coach, I was a coach 30 years ago, you know. So I was lucky enough. And so then, so I got sent on this course with Sir John Whitmore to was the original designer of the GROW Coaching model, which is the fundamental aware of it. I call it the black and white model, Stage one model that I got trained in and I went on the course,
Andy:the black and white model. I like that.
Mary Barrett:It's a great, I mean, you know, I still sometimes get it out my kit bag now, you know, I've got a ginormous toolkit, as you can imagine, after all these years, and it's still a wonderful little process that you can share with people to really get some results quite quickly, you know?
Andy:Well, I'm gonna tell you Mary, it's on my bedside table, because that was my first exposure in around 1997. I was at Rover and Rover, were running a coaching programme. And they were using, I think they're called performance associates to John Whitmore's business that you have with David Emery. And so that was the first model I was exposed to. And it blew my mind. One particular exercise where the guy who was facilitating this session, there are about 16 of us in the room. And he asked us all to think about something a challenge that we had, and obviously not, you know, we weren't telling him what it was, we just had a piece of paper in front of us and a pen. He said right think about a challenge. And then he took us through a set of questions. And he simultaneously coached 16 of us all the way to having an action, a resolution for our problem and a level of commitment that we were going to give to doing it. So simultaneously he coached 16 of us without knowing what our issue was, clearly nothing, didn't need to know anything about our issue because he didn't even know what our issue was. And we all went away knowing exactly what we were going to do next, and how committed we were to it. And once I'd been through that, I thought, Oh, my goodness, that's voodoo. So it really underlined the power of questions. And the fact I don't need to know your problem, I don't need to understand your situation to be able to help you. And so I'm just I'm about to run a programme for another organisation. And I want to talk about some of that. So I'm just rereading it now. So it's spooky that it's on my bedside table. But
Mary Barrett:I was actually trained by a Sir John and David,
Rupert Pontin:get out of here.
Mary Barrett:I was, yeah, I was actually trained by them, I was on the very initial training courses. And so I, like you, I often, don't do it now because I'm doing different stuff. But I've trained groups of people in the GROW Coaching model, because it's a fantastic one to have in your toolkit as a leader, as a human being, because it's a structured way of dealing with what you want to achieve. But I sometimes turn it around, though, because most people when they come to you with a problem, they're at the reality phase, not the goal stage, they're in their I don't know what and so sometimes I turn it around and do it the other way around. You can do what you like with it, it's flexible. But it's still a very powerful model that I've trained many, many people in. And fundamentally, sometimes if I need to use that, I use that. But I call it like a surface model. Because you're right it's the quality of the questions we ask ourselves, is the quality of the results, we're going to get. So if we ask ourselves crap questions, guess what, we're gonna get crap answers. And so that's a wonderful structured format and flow that allows you to come out, it's almost like a sausage machine, you can't not come out with it with a with a good result at the end of it really, if you do it within using the process.
Andy:Yeah, it's, I totally agree. And we'll put a link we'll put something about that in the show notes. Just put a link to to that as a great starting point. So you were, fair to say a little bit of luck involved here. You were in the right place at the right time 30 years ago to get Barclays were doing that programme and you got to do it with Sir John Whitmore and David Hemery. Fantastic and that has been a life changing has influenced your life really has.
Mary Barrett:I mean, it was something that I noticed that as soon as I learned the methodology, it was something that I think I've been doing intuitively but not in such a structured way you know, I've always been, I think it's because of my Irish background, I've always been interested in people and curious about connecting with people and building rapport. And I didn't know it at the time because nobody told me but if I look back now, I always had quite a high EQ, but it wasn't that was measured in that way in those times, and I think that's why I've always done really well in any job that I've done, because I'm really good at building relationships, and having empathy and connecting with people, which is a fabulous life skill to have. And then you you gather that with a very simple model, like the Grow Coaching model, you've built the rapport, you've got the connection, you then ask some wonderful, structured questions, magic can happen.
Andy:Yeah. Let's talk a bit about EQ why you mention it. So how would you define it? I think you gave some of the examples there of what it meant to you. So empathy and rapport building skills, and but say, how do you if you're, if you're teaching it, how, what are you looking for Mary and what are you hoping people can improve at?
Mary Barrett:I really use the Dan Goleman Model, you know, the 1995 model, the five stage EQ model, which is self awareness, is number one. Because if you don't know what you don't know, you can't make changes. So the first thing for anybody is, What are my strengths? What are my areas to develop? Why do I do what I do? Because most of us don't sit in question that, unless something happens that we don't like, actually, more often than things that we do well. So the first stage is self awareness, which is critically important. Phase two is self regulation. So if I know that, when someone says that to me, it triggers me and I get really angry, how do I self regulate myself? How do I stop myself reacting in a non emotionally intelligent way. So the self regulation piece is once you've got the self awareness, self regulation piece is really important. So I've got a massive toolkits to help people with self regulation, for the first stage is the self awareness. The next stage is motivation, what drives you, you know, what is it and that's the values piece as well and then the beliefs piece, as well in there, you know, what's important to you, and why. The next stage is empathy. You know, what is it like to be in somebody else's shoes, I'm not into sympathy, but I'm really good at empathy. And then the next stage is social skills. And that comes in with the networking, the communicating, to building your portfolio of people that are your cheerleaders, and you're their cheerleaders.
Andy:And so there's an evolution there or a progression through that model of first of all, getting to know myself, self awareness, and then controlling myself, regulating myself and then moving out into okay, how can I get good with other people? Having got control of myself, how can I now have effective interdependent relationships with other people? So it's very, very helpful. How then did you transition? So you were where were we sorry, we went off because you got me. I got overexcited about the GROW Model and the fact that it's on my bedside table, and what a coincidence, and then we dived into that. We were at Barclays though when you were learning about that, so what happened next?
Mary Barrett:So it's something that I felt I really love this, it's really great. But I realised the model, and it is a great model, for me there was some limitations, it wasn't going deep enough, it wasn't transformational enough change. And I got introduced to something called neuro linguistic programming. So neuro, the brain, linguistics, the language we use, impede the patterns or programmes that we run. And I went off and self developed myself over a five month period, alongside being working full time to get accredited in neuro linguistic programming.
Andy:So you invested in yourself, you had a corporate job. And alongside that you invested your own money and time in getting additional skills and qualifications in a field that you had become curious about.
Mary Barrett:Correct. And that's one of the learnings I'd offer anybody you know, don't wait for the company to accredit you find out what you're passionate about what flips your switch, and go and do it for yourself, because you are your best asset. Whatever you learn, you take with you so don't you know, and I'm sure you come across in organisations too. And ah well, my company didn't send me on that training course. Or I haven't. Don't wait, don't wait. If you if you know, you need to develop, go and invest in yourself. You are your best asset, off you go. So I don't know how but I realised that quite early on. And so I learned neuro linguistic programming, and it just changed the depth and level of change that my clients or the people that I was working with, could achieve and myself, it was a great learning journey for myself too. So that was really, really great. And then the team that I was in, I was in another get another regional team. I was the regional policy manager in Barclays. And our job was in the southeast region of the UK to improve quality within the branches. I've worked in the retail so the front line, and then I was always given it's really interesting. I was always given pioneering roles, like they go oh, we've got this new role, Mary, we know you haven't done it before but we'd like you to do this for us. And of course, I love doing pioneering roles, because you can't get it wrong.
Andy:There's nothing to compare you to
Mary Barrett:There's nothing to compare. Well the last person who did this job went x y z. And that's what when I was when the bank manager, I was always sent into the branches that weren't performing. I loved that because there's only one way for it to go. You know, once it got performing, I'd get a bit bored because Oh, it's just a sustaining it send, somebody else in to sustain it. Give me another one, give me another one that I can go in and turn around for you, which is going to help me in great stead for my next job that I went on to. So I was regional quality manager. And there was at that time they were going to relocate the team to another part of this I laugh now laugh out loud to another part of the UK. I can't move to another part of the UK. Oh, no, I have to stay in Surrey. And here I am in Singapore. So via Stockholm. So the team got disbanded, and I got an opportunity to take redundancy,
Andy:an opportunity to take redundancy, lovely framing of being made redundant,
Mary Barrett:I got paid to leave. I mean, how great is that. I knew I wasn't gonna stay, I knew I was gonna stay there forever anyway. I knew with the learning I'd got, my development, my confidence have grown. And of course all the stuff that I'd been learning to help other people. Obviously, that meant self development and self growth, my own self confidence, my self worth my self esteem, all of that. And so yeah, you want to pay me to leave fantastic. I'll take that because I want to start my own business. At some stage, I want to do something different. I'll take the money and go. And I remember a really good colleague of mine. And at the time, the movie The Jerry Maguire movie was on and we went show me the money.
Andy:So clearly being made redundant wasn't a disaster for you. It was an absolute opportunity. There was a time though when you didn't want to move, you couldn't perceive yourself leaving Surrey. And yet here you are now in Singapore via Stockholm. And I'm just thinking if people are listening and thinking how do you get to be a woman running her own business in Singapore sounding like she's having just so on top of it and having such a great time? How'd you get there? But clearly, there was a time when leaving Surrey was beyond your imagination.
Mary Barrett:So the first book that a really good friend of mine gave me around this field of let's say self development was a book called Feel the Fear and do it Anyway.
Andy:Susan Jeffers.
Mary Barrett:Again, sadly, she's passed on. And that, you know, that is again, a little goldmine that little book, you know, and so what I've realised, again, with the maturity and the wisdom that I have now, that's what I was doing all the time, I was feeling the fear and doing it anyway. You know, as somebody said, to me, actually, what you really were doing was building on your courage and resilience. So yeah, actually, that was what I was doing. But that was the title, I'm gonna feel the fear and do it anyway. And it's like, what's the worst thing that can happen? What's the worst thing can happen? Well, unbeknownst to me, Andy, the worst thing could happen is I accepted redundancy after working 19, 20 years within one organisation, going up the ranks and ended up in a fabulous role. And at the same month, my first husband decided to divorce me. So although the joy of taking the money was fantastic, I actually my it was a real shock, my husband decided to divorce me. So I had my six months of garden leave, which I just cried, actually, spent the whole time crying rather than thinking I need to, either my plan was to start my own business. But I realised then I didn't have any safety net. I couldn't start my own business. I needed to get another job.
Andy:You mentioned. Sorry, sorry to interrupt, but you mentioned you wanted to start your own business. Why? Where did that idea come from?
Mary Barrett:Well, once I've gone down the NLP, the neuro linguistic programming, and you know, how you're limitless, that, you know, there is an infinite ocean of opportunities out there for you. I wanted to tell everyone else in the world about coaching and, you know, training people in coaching and going into organisations and helping the leaders and, you know, I had that vision and long, you know, all of that time ago, that was 99, you know, so long time ago. So I, you know, I've got lots of journals, I'm a journaler and, you know, I was right there, I wanted my own business and all of that. So that was part of my plan, when I took the redundancy that weas great. So I'm gonna get paid to set up my own business. Perfect. Great timing
Andy:Right. So you'd had your eyes opened by doing the neuro linguistic programming and once you'd seen, you'd had insight perhaps not not just outwards into the possibilities of the world but inwards, into what you were capable of and what you would be able to get involved in and once you'd seen that, you knew that you couldn't be happy in a corporate environment going forward.
Mary Barrett:Well, I wouldn't say I couldn't be happy but what I knew
Andy:That was my words. I was putting words in your mouth. So thank you for jumping in
Mary Barrett:I'm a linguistic, or what as Paul calls me, an auto correcter So I just knew there was a bigger world out there for me. I knew, I just knew that I've been closed in this world. And it was tiny world actually, when I look back, but it was safe, it was secure, it was what I knew, as all my peers did the same. You know, nobody my family had ever had their own business. It was all first, but I just knew that, yeah, feel the fear and do it anyway, worst thing that happens, I go get myself another job. You know. But anyway, I didn't, because my husband decided he wants to go for a younger model, my first husband, and so I thought I need to get a job. But I wasn't going to place to get a job, because I was obviously sad about what had happened. And then the universe always provides. I remember I was in. One thing I've always done is exercise and health and nutrition. And incrementally over the year, I'm always doing more and more. And I spent a lot of time down my health club during that six months, because I need to work on my psychological mental well being too. There was a guy I used to work with a colleague who used to work in Barclays, because my previous boss was the quality director of Barclays, that's the team that I was in at head office, and he said I'm now working for BMW, we've interviewed loads and loads of people can't find the right calibre of people to do this new role. Are you interested in coming for an assessment? And I went, Yeah, absolutely. I'm happy to do that.
Andy:And that was your former boss.
Mary Barrett:So this was someone that worked in the same team as my former boss. Okay, and he'd already got a job. And I went along and through, as you know how rigorous the assessments are for BMW, got through all the assessments at dealer principal level as they were at that time, and yeah, got got the job in the January 2000.
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Mary Barrett:Yeah, I remember clearly a fabulous friend of mine, Helen, Helen Westby. We both worked at Barclays together. We both worked for BMW, we started the same job on the same day at BMW. There was a three year project that we were going to do across the country. And we sat in our lovely Z3s, green ones. And I said at the end of these three years, I want to leave and start my own business. And she said at the end of these three years, I want to be employed with BMW. And she's the head of training for BMW UK now.
Andy:Oh, wow. Excellent. So if you look back on your life journey, there'll be this will be an example of where it's not a straight line. You had about the best laid plans of mice and men, it just had a wobble because circumstances changed rug was pulled from under you in terms of the security that you thought you had. So you had to pivot, as they say, in the startup world, and say right, I'm going to do three years, but I'm deliberately deciding this is a three year assignment. Yeah, as part of the plan. And you did that. And then did that go to plan did it did were you able to execute at the end of the three years, or what happened?
Mary Barrett:I mean, again, I'm so grateful, as I'm so grateful for my time in Barclays, I mean, at that time, the training in Barclays was second to none. I mean, as you know, I was trained by Sir John Whitmore, you know, I was so fortunate and the level of training, the quality of training that we had, as managers and leaders in the organisation was amazing. And then to then be, you know, chosen to come and work with BMW. And very quickly, went off to Munich to be trained so there was quality management, Autohaus q&a, which is going into all of the businesses, so I had about 15% of the network, where I'd go into, and I had to get all of the business, from the technicians, body shop, to all the way through to the management team, to standardise all the processes of what they do, and how they do it within the business. And then internal auditors BMW auditors would come in and if you didn't reach that standard, as you know, the licence may not be renewed. So it was a hardcore serious job. And my job was to go in and train and educate and get them to the level of standard and get them to put together a manual quality management manual, where they had to, like, let's say, you had got the best salesperson in the team, how does he or she do it? Let's document their processes. Now, let's all try and align that process so we all can have the same productivity and output. But that was across the whole discipline of the business so it was management, it was accounts, it was marketing, servicing. It was sales, it was you know, every single department and they had to standardise and then they'll get tested against those processes. So literally teach people how to do process flowcharts, I had to go in, you know, get everybody motivated and set up process improvement teams. So, you know, all my coaching, all my NLP, all my report building, all of my relationships, because you have to remember
Andy:So it was playing to a lot of your strengths.
Mary Barrett:Oh totally. I mean, I really wanted Yeah, and for me, my middle name is fun. So I always made it fun for the businesses because, you know, if you're gonna do something, it's got to be fun. So that's one reason I had so many great successes because people go oh Mary's coming, I want to get off the off the tours and get into the workshop with her because I know we're gonna have a bit of a giggle, and yes, use my brain in a different way. So upskilling your technicians and your body shop people as well as the frontline salespeople and service people, it was really great fun. And, you know, you have to remember I had no knowledge of the motor industry at all, I'd never driven a new car in my life. In fact, and this is so true, when they talked about the body shop, I thought they meant Anita Roddick's.
Andy:Wow
Mary Barrett:You know I'm a fast learner, I'm a fast learner,
Andy:we could have a whole separate conversation about whether it was remotely important that you didn't have the specific knowledge, you're shaking your head, I'm totally with you. I've been involved in some conversations recently, bringing someone into a team where you can categorically say, you do not have the knowledge for this job. But you have all these other things that we want. So you have the ability to learn the knowledge,
Mary Barrett:Great, you know it's all about attitude and and the capability. And then you can even upskill someone I mean, I've got so good at doing it, that I was asked to be the the master coach for Europe, then I trained all the other coaches how to do it in all the European markets. And in fact, this'll make any female listeners out there, this is how long ago it was. Hi, Andy. I was the first female master coach, and I was given a trophy for that.
Andy:Wow.
Mary Barrett:I won a trophy
Andy:I've got mixed feelings about that, because it's fantastic. But also Oh
Mary Barrett:Particularly yeah, with sarcasm. So that's how bad things were. Because, you know, in the motor industry back then 20 years ago, there were 98% male leaders.
Andy:Yeah. Well, we're coming up to the second year anniversary of our podcast, and I've been looking at the last year of guests, and we have a woeful number of female guests. And that's partly because I guess of the ratios that are still what they are. And it's it's partly I think, as well, I think, if a guy goes out there and says, Yeah, I'll go on a podcast and talk about my career and what I've done. No one thinks twice about it. But I wonder whether and I've had some feedback from some people I've invited that they've actually been mentored to maybe maybe don't stick your head above the parapet quite that high, sort of.
Mary Barrett:I'm very, very disappointed to hear that.
Andy:So am I, we want a really diverse guestlist, we ask, we invite lots of women, and we invite people of colour and we invite any, you know, really open. And I'm a bit then sad when I see I look back at the guestlist and you look at our Instagram, and we've still got a lot of white males in in there. So this idea that women might have to tread a little bit more carefully, or
Mary Barrett:I believe my area of expertise Andy, what I would say it's more about, and I'm going to generalise completely here, guys, okay, is if there's a job application, let's use that as an example, and a guy can do 60% of it, they go I could do that job. If a woman looks at it, ah there's, there's two things I can't do on that I won't apply. I really detest labels and avoid using them. But there's a very common label that goes out that more women tend to put on themselves than males, this label of imposter syndrome. And you know, oh god he's asked me and he might ask me a question, Am I really an expert? A guy doesn't think like that. Generalising Okay, generally a guy, no matter if you don't know the answer or not, I'll just bullshit my way through. Whereas, again, generalising completely, women tend to want to do it, right. And particularly if you're talking about high achieving females, some are, again, a label that I work with a lot of my clients about, perfectionist, there's no such thing as perfection. Perfection is the haute couture of fear, actually. So you know,
Andy:say that again, perfection is the Haute Couture of fear. I've never heard that phrase before. But it that's a real interesting reframing of perfection because there might be quite a lot of positive connotations with perfection and we know perfect being a perfectionist is not helpful to our effectiveness. But I think when people say I'm a bit of a perfectionist, they don't mind saying it because they don't, they think it sounds It's okay really.
Mary Barrett:And the question being how how often has that held you back? Because unless it's perfect, which is an unobtainable standard, there is no such thing as perfectionism it doesn't exist. And so you know, for me, I'm a progressionist not a perfectionist, lets measure progress, let's see how we're moving forward. And you know, people again, generalising, in my experience, perfectionism causes anxiety, it causes worry, it causes panic attacks, because unless it's perfect, what might people say about me? How might people compare me? And I will suggest it's a very limited label to give yourself
Andy:yeah, and causes you to maybe not even start things.
Mary Barrett:Totally.
Andy:Right. So perfection is the haute couture, the high fashion of fear. So it's just a fancy form of fear folks. Don't be proud of your perfectionism.
Mary Barrett:What if people say, Oh, I'm just I just like to be in control. I just am a control freak. Yes. Because you're afraid what might happen if you don't?
Andy:Yeah, and going back to Feel the Fear and do it Anyway, what's the worst thing that could happen? And then there's four words that I remember from that book, which was and then tell yourself, I can handle it, I can handle it.
Mary Barrett:You might not like it, you may not like it, but you can handle it, it's not going to kill you normally. Or very, very, very rarely.
Andy:So I have the sense that whilst this was not a planned assignment with BMW you were not just trudging through it like a wage slave for three years you were in your element making the most of it growing in learning and experience and totally in your element. And it was a highly positive time for you
Mary Barrett:I had so much fun. I really did.
Andy:And then what happened at the, did you manage to to exit as you wanted to?
Mary Barrett:All my dealerships got great results, because I had such a great relationship with them. They'd give me a Z8 for the weekend.
Andy:Wow.
Mary Barrett:I know. I didn't know what a Z8 was. And they went just say yes Mary, you're the driver. I went Okay, I'll say yes. So wonderful experiences and you know, really, really feel very warm about my relationship with with BMW today, you know, and then it got to three years and I thought three years are up. I'd learned all that I was going to learn I was just on repeat mode and then Mary gets bored. I'm an eternal student. I love to learn and grow. And but I have to be honest with you, I stayed in the job another six months, because I didn't want to give my car back. From someone who'd never driven a new car, getting a new one every four to six months I was like, I love these cars they really are the best cars in the world I'm so into the brand, you know when you work with BMW really do get very brand proud and very brand conscious. And I'm so I was so proud of working with BMW I had such a great time. But then then I had a little chat with myself and said Mary, you can't stay in a job just because of the car, you know you need to move on,
Andy:you're better than this, you're not this shallow Mary
Mary Barrett:what you're gonna do is you're going earn so much money very soon that you'll buy your own car, so you won't need to, you'll earn your own money. So I decided to leave. And they asked me would I least work part time with them? Would I come back and work three days a week because I was leaving with no work in my diary. And I just got to point out, I'm just going to leave and I've just got to give this a go, I've got to give it a go. Because if I don't, I'm gonna live with regret. And I'll never know because the easy option is to stay. And they called me in and said, Oh, Mary, how about you work with us three days a week, we don't want to lose you, you know. And I went, thank you so much for the offer. I'm so grateful but if I take it, I'm never really going to give myself the opportunity to find out if I can do it or not. Because it's too big a safety net. I need to go and do this. So I went and you know, because of my fantastic relationship with the businesses, you know, so many of my dealerships employed me immediately and said, Would you come work with us and coach our leadership or management team, etc. But some I had no work my diary, but I got that after about three or four months. And I remember this because my mother who's Irish, and so I was there and I was just you know having some time and she said to me everyday she'd call me. Mary, have you got any work yet? And I said Mom, this isn't helping. I'll tell you what, why don't I phone you when I get some work. And then I decided do you know what, I've never had a gap year, never had some time just go and do some stuff. So I decided to go travelling for three months. So I took some money, money out of my equity of my property. And I decided I went travelling with two girlfriends round three months, we went to Thailand, New Zealand, Australia, and Hawaii. Yeah. And my mom said everyone says you're mental, you've only just started your business. You can't go travelling. I went, I need to do it now. Because I'm gonna be so busy in the future I won't have time to do it
Andy:I love that attitude.
Mary Barrett:So I did. And then I come back and then some of the seeds I'd sown and some of the BMW dealerships also not all of them but some of them. And that was it. I kickstarted my business.
Andy:So you had there, one of my guests, Matthew Bogoradski mentioned his philosophy, this phrase, reputation, network and luck. And you had a reputation already, you had a network. So you were well placed. The confidence you had. You might, it was impressive that you didn't take a three day a week job with BMW, that must have been tempting. And just when you've just cut yourself loose, you're completely independent. That must have been tempting, so interesting and impressive that you pushed that back. But you knew that you had relationships with the dealers themselves, and that you had done the kind of work you wanted to be doing. You already had experience. You were known for the thing that you wanted to do. You weren't transitioning, you weren't opening a restaurant or something, you were known for the thing that you wanted to be doing. So you were making it easy for them to imagine you're doing it for them just under a different contract really. Very, very good. And you mentioned your middle name's fun Mary. In a previous conversation, you said you'd started doing improv or you do improv in Singapore and I'm so curious about that. Can we just talk about that for a minute?
Mary Barrett:You would love it Andy, you would love it. I think everyone in the world should do yoga, NLP and improv and the world is much nicer, healthier, fun place to be
Andy:when you're in charge that's what we'll all be doing.
Mary Barrett:Exactly. So improv. So I am again, you know, when you know what I know about the unconscious mind, there's no such thing as coincidence there's no such thing as random, but I'll use the word coincidence as a general thing. So coincidentally, my children were doing drama, with my children when they were very young I always aimed to do as many right brain activities as I can because I know we grow that right brain the creativity the right brain has you know, there's a book by Daniel Pink you know, the right brain the right brain is to rule the world moving forward and with AI it's coming true. So anything to do with right brain stuff, I'm always encouraging my children so they went to the
Andy:So the right brain's the creative side. Yeah. Left brain being the logical side. Yeah,
Mary Barrett:Right. And so they were doing drama and anyway the drama school offered a come along and you can try as parents or adults you can try little drama class, you can try musical, you can try tat all these different things. So I though you know, again, always looking to improve and be the best version of me, I thought I'll see what the drama presentation sort of things like because I'm always looking to get better and what I do. So went along and there wasn't enough people that came for that. So I got lumped into the improvisation group. And I fell in love with it. I went Oh my god, I love this. So then, Mary being Mary found a course to do. And I trained with the local fantastic the Singapore improv team. I went along and I did a trial session, taster session of two hours, two and a half hours, signed up to do 101, 201, 301. And did my inaugural improv show with my improv team called the Clingies, shout out for the Clingies. We're called the Clingies because we met each other on our training. And we didn't want to let go of each other. So I did my inaugral performance at the National Gallery in Singapore, which was amazing. And, and the reason I love improv so much from a professional point of view, as well as a personal point of view, is what it did, it made me realise why I'm so good at what I do when I'm a coach, because I'm in the moment. I'm totally aligned and tuned to your partner, whoever you're on stage with or partners. And you have to be so alert, active listening, and really support your partner and live in your authenticity comes out. And your past memories come out. So there's the three rules of improv which are yes and, not no but yes but, it's yes and, support your partner partners, and embrace failure.
Andy:Yes and, support your partner and embrace failure. Wow. So you realised that the way you are as a coach with your clients fitted perfectly with the way you needed to be with your improv buddies, the Clingies, when you were performing.
Mary Barrett:Because will improv, you don't know. It's like the common one to explain to your listeners is Whose Line Is It Anyway, it's that type of thing, you don't know what role you're gonna play, you don't know what's going to come out of your mouth, there's no script. And so you literally you step on stage, like you step from one bit of the carpet to another bit of the carpet, and they'll go right, we'll just start talking. And then the story and there's a there's a again, a bit like the GROW Model, there's a crow, there's a improv model, a structure that you use to weave a story around it. And I have to say, it made me even more confident in doing a monologue. Anyone asked me to talk about anything I can you just trust in yourself and your unconscious mind. And lots of people go to build their confidence, the presentation skills, people from Toastmasters, anybody that wants to articulate more eloquently and on the spot, it's a brilliant skill set to have. And in fact, one of the one of the games they play is called, you'll love this, called PowerPoint karaoke. And literally
Andy:I can't wait to hear about this, go on
Mary Barrett:you'll be given a subject matter. Let's say you are having to talk about the eating habits of frogs. Meanwhile, there'll be already pre set up a load of PowerPoint slides behind you. And you've got to talk about that subject using the PowerPoint slides you've been given. Oh, that sounds fun. There you are. So you can imagine if you can do that next time you're at a board meeting, and you've forgotten your slides or the wrong information is on there, it doesn't matter, because you're just going to improvise anyway.
Andy:Yes. Wow. So it's a way of practising skills, honing skills, building confidence, reducing fear, promoting adaptability that you can do in a safe space with your improv buddies, that's just gonna make you fit for the boardroom.
Mary Barrett:Right. It really, really does. And actually one of my training courses I've actually put improv in so I do some training like just in training the universities here, the Singapore University of Technology and design. I do some work in organisations corporate and I always have improv as part my tools now. I get people up doing different and movement and everything. So it's just so it's such a powerful toolkit to have part of my toolkit. Yeah, and it makes you feel good. You know, you laugh, you don't have to be funny, you can be quite dark. But what's been fascinating for me, and you understand this about working in such a multicultural environment as Singapore, you know, one of the joys it's so diverse isn't Andy, it's so diverse, when I'm on in the Clingies team. For example, when I'm when I'm on this, these workshops, I am the oldest whitest person there, you know, so my teammates are at least 20 At least 20 years younger than me and all Singaporean. But Singaporean Malay, Singaporean Indian, Singaporean Chinese. And what has helped me as a person working in diverse culture more than any better way of doing it, I now understand Singaporeans the three threads of that Singaporean culture so well, because when you're put in an improv situation, what do you draw on, you draw on your memories and your experiences. So I'm getting to hear all about what it's like for them to be brought up in Singapore, with their parents with their schooling. There's a rapid way for me to understand the culture here as well which has paid dividends when I'm working with multicultural audiences. And clients.
Andy:I'm just thinking Mary, imagining trying to imagine the nature of the activities that you're doing. It's the concentrated cultural exchange that would be there. It's it really is going to bring out of people, a very rich, concentrated experience they're going to share with you that I don't know it's yeah, I can imagine that. I thought we were going to have a little fun few minutes there talking about improv. Once again, the value it brings professionally and personally to you, it's it might be a diverting thing to do. I bet it takes your mind off absolutely everything else. Because you have got to be in the moment with your team
Mary Barrett:I call it, sounds a bit heavy, or light, quite spiritual, because you have to be in The Now. Because when you're in the now and present, you can't worry, and you can't be depressed. And yeah, so if you're if you're I will say if you're in the Now, if you're worried about something or anxious or panicking, you're in the future, if you're sad or depressed, you're in the past. So the more you can be in The Now the happier you will be
Andy:Yeah. And you would have to be in the now to be able to.
Mary Barrett:So one of my clients recently, you know, she came to me because she wants to find her voice and executive presence in the workplace. And I sent her off to improv I said, I'll work with you. And she signed up for whole course herself. And she goes have I found my voice, Mary. Oh, yes, I have.
Andy:So good to hear. And it's alittle bit like this. I am in the now now. And I love having these one to one conversations. And that's part of the reason, I have to be here. Wonderful. We one of the things we also were potentially going to talk about together is this idea of empowering mind mastery, which is very much that you are you describe yourself as the mind coach and mind mastery is your field. Have we already touched on a lot of that already? How would you package? How would you explain that?
Mary Barrett:So empowering my mastery is my methodology of my 30 years of learning, sharing, growing, wisdom, practice experience. And I've now got my own methodology, which is the five stages that I take individuals, teams and organisations through to really understand how your mind works. Because once you can control your mind, you can control your results. So first thing is I get people to so my model is getting clarity, what is it that you want? Not what is it that you don't want? Get real clarity on what it a bit like the goal with the GROW model. What is it that you want to achieve? The next stage is communication. So a critical area of my work is helping people dial down that inner dialogue, that self talk. That's the bit that goes and who are you to think you could run a podcast? And who are you to go and sit and be a guest? What if they ask you a question you might not know? I'm not good enough whatever it is. So I've got some great techniques to help me dial that down. So the self communication, so what I do is turn self criticism into self compassion. And then then we talk about once we've done the internal dialogue, what's our external dialogue, and this is where the AutoCorrecter comes in. Because if I hear you saying words that are disturbing you and limiting you, because if you said it it's told me you thought it, and if I think it and I say it, then that makes you feel a certain way, makes you behave a certain way. And that's the results that you will get.
Andy:And you hear yourself saying it. So you reinforce it
Mary Barrett:And your voice is your uniqueness in the universe, no one else has got your voice. So it's the most powerful voice to use at any time. So the communication piece is a very important piece too. The other area that I then work is building your courage, your resilience, your self esteem, your self belief, your self worth, and really amplify and magnify, intensify those, again, huge toolkit. And so one of my tools that I haven't mentioned yet is I'm a trained clinical hypnotherapist as well. So I understand the power of the unconscious mind and I work with the unconscious mind, which is why NLP sent me down that path really, but I've honed those skills to another level where I become a clinical hypnotherapist. So build your courage. And then what I do, I've made up a word and I'm sometimes called the Marie Kondo of coaching Because I clear out all the rubbish from your past and leave you with joy,
Andy:Right. So is Marie Kondo the minimalist?
Mary Barrett:She clears out all the clutter from your wardrobe and leaves you with with simplicity and joy, and anything that sparks joy. So I clear out the clutter in your mind, the limiting beliefs, the self sabotage, the imposter syndrome, any labels that you've had that have been stuck on you, probably by a parent or a teacher way back when. So I do regression work as well. So I do regression work, present work and future work. So the regression work is I've made up a word called Clearfearing, so I clear out your fears. And then the other one, I also celebrate, because we have to hardwire celebration and progress because the more we hardwire it, the more we get it and the more we achieve. So I'm in the world of reprogramming, rewiring people's unconscious mind. That's what I do.
Andy:That's all I do. Just rewire their conscious mind. So give me those Is it five steps again, just give me that
Mary Barrett:clarity, communication, courage, clearfearing and celebration,
Andy:and they will begin with C which is handy.
Mary Barrett:Isn't that, you'd think I'd have thought about that, wouldn't you
Andy:Especially when you're inventing clearfearing? I think you had a starter Well, it's gonna begin with a C. I love that you've got that structure. It's so holistic, you've upskilled yourself to the point of being able to do the regression piece, do the hypnotherapy, clinical hypnotherapy. I love how the clinical hypnotherapy was a follow on from your curiosity about NLP and your excitement about NLP and how to take it further and be even more effective. So that wonderful, wonderful summary of mind mastery. And it sounds really powerful. And I can understand your your clients getting a lot out of that. One of the little lines you just said was when you were describing the inner voice saying yeah, who Who do you think you are to have a podcast? You have a podcast don't you, A Cup of Tea With Mary B. How did that start? And what was the catalyst for that? And let's
Mary Barrett:I think I am a podcast addict. I say that talk about that. positively not negatively. I absolutely. I mean, I remember the years when I was driving all those beautiful cars around the whole of the UK, thank goodness, I had a nice car and I turned my Yes. I wonder that because you get a lot of celebrities don't car into a learning vehicle and it was my university I'd have the CD going in and playing at those times. I've worked with Antony Robbins and done his whole life University as well. So I always put Anthony and Tony into the CD player. And podcasts, you know, this wonderful word, a podcast. And I thought my goodness, this is amazing. I can walk and learn. And you know walk round the botanic gardens at 630 in the morning, and I've got somebody in my ear and learning straightaway, programming my mind for success the very first thing in the morning, and I liked it so much that I thought I'd really like to have my own, I'm gonna give it a go. Because you know what, feel the fear and do it anyway. What's the worst thing that can happen? It doesn't work, I'll give it a go. And and what I realised is I love like you I love connecting with people. I'm like you I'm incredibly curious about people. And I'm often you know, I am the one I'd like to get everybody in and go tell me your story. Tell me your story. I want to know your story. And it's a genuine interest in people. And I thought, Well, why not just record conversations I'd normally have with people anyway, but just put it on a podcast. So I decided to start my podcast just before covid actually 2020. So I had my first one face to face, and the rest of them were online for a little while. And now I'm back to face to face if they're local. And I have conversations with ordinary people achieving extraordinary things. Because we know there's no such thing as ordinary people. Everyone is extraordinarily unique in their own right. But I really choose people that I think are going to inspire other people with coming through courage, resilience, lots of people that have changed careers that was a lawyer, now an entrepreneur, or someone had burnout and started their own health and nutrition business, you know, really people that have been on a journey. And I've had some great feedback. And I think one of the best bits of feedback I got from one of my clients actually she does, I really enjoy listening to your podcast, Mary because it is ordinary people. You know, it's not Beyonce, it's not Oprah Winfrey. Although I have to say, I love Oprah Winfrey and everything about her because she's my absolute role model for the force for good. She said, When I listen to the conversations you have with your people, it makes it accessible for me. Because if they can do it then I can do it. you doing being guests? And I do wonder if mentally there's this sort of gap? Well, yeah, but he's, you've got $2 million to do that with. Or you've had the trust fund or you're in the Yeah, exactly. Whereas Yeah,
Andy:or you're an elite athlete or you're and whether or not it's true, that's still going to be my, that dialogue is gonna have happened in my head. And I'm gonna think, okay, yeah, well, that was great for him or her, but that's not accessible to me. I love that word accessible.
Mary Barrett:I thought that, for me, was such a great level of understanding of the value that podcast is offering and similar to yourselves, I do have conversations with guests, and I sometimes do monologues, you know, and share some free tools, etc. to people that maybe want to test out what's it like to work with Mary B, or maybe can't haven't got the budget to develop themselves. They're still relying on their company to develop them, rather than taking their own lead. So um, yeah, so I really enjoy it. It's just me having a conversation as I would do normally like you do Andy really genuine, authentic enthusiasm and curiosity about what made people tick in their journeys.
Andy:So listeners, please, I know, a lot of people who listened to podcasts listen to a lot of podcasts, they don't just have one podcast that they listen to. So please check out A Cup of Tea with Mary B, on all the usual platforms that you can listen to. We've touched in this conversation about how you took charge of your own development, learning development, even when you were at Barclays, there was something that was a little bit left field, it wasn't gonna be part of the Barclays curriculum, the neuro linguistic programming topic, and you went off and you spent your own money, and your own time doing that. And let's just have a conversation about how important it is that people take charge of their own career and don't leave it to someone else, their manager or their employer. What, what would you say about that?
Mary Barrett:yeah Andy, I really wish I'd learned much, much sooner than I did, I really do. And times were different, I could use excuse times were different then. And I was young and naive, and I didn't realise, you know, the earlier you harness and get in the driving seat of what you want for your life, then the choices you make as a result of that will accelerate you there quicker. And, yes, you may have to spend time and money upskilling yourself. But if you've got an idea, or a sense that where you are isn't really going to be forever, and I think with the generations come behind us now, I think that's much more prevalent, you know, they're not gonna you're not gonna get a pension, they're not interested in pensions, they're interested in learning the knowledge, having purpose and moving on. There's a real distinct difference now than then historically. But I think, if you really want to achieve something for you in your life, take control. Don't wait for someone to tell you you're good at something. Don't wait for someone to tell you you're not good at something, take control of what you want to do. No, no dollar or pound or euro spent on your brain is ever going to be wasted. Because it's your brain and your brain is what you take with you everywhere you go.
Andy:You've made me think you said that we are our greatest asset. And I'm not sure if I've heard that before. I've heard many, many, many, many times, people in corporate organisations say our employees are our greatest asset, and then do stuff which doesn't really reflect that. What I've just thought for the first time is, how often do we we don't we don't utter the words, I am my greatest asset. But we don't treat ourselves as though we're our greatest asset. So we can hardly blame our employers for treating us less well than we treat ourselves if you like, or if you know what I mean, if we don't do it ourselves, then why should someone else do it just because you know.
Mary Barrett:And I think there's a fundamental there, people will value you as much as you value yourself,
Andy:oh, that landed, say a bit more about that.
Mary Barrett:If you, if you accept and lets say even in relationships, as well as an employee, if you accept less than, than you think you're worth, and you accept it, then that's what you'll get. The more you value yourself, and that goes back to that turning that self criticism and self compassion. So I believe when you have self criticism, you have negative self worth and negative self esteem. Whereas if you have self compassion, and that goes back to this inner dialogue, this is why I do so much work around auto correcting, you know, that inner dialogue, when we have self compassion for ourselves and talk ourselves up, not down, we have we build our self worth, and we build our self esteem. And when we have self worth and self esteem, we make better choices for ourselves. And people always only value us at the level that we value ourselves.
Andy:That's huge Mary, I think that is so the more people can actually grasp that the more work people can do around that. The potential for that to change their life is is huge.
Mary Barrett:And at I've got an extra model I've designed around that. And I love words as you have already heard and the antonym, believe it or not, the antonym to the opposite of self criticism is self compassion in the dictionary, you know, so that, you know, it's the same capitals SC, but I turn, you know, that SC into self compassion and self criticism. And the magic that can happen, when we start speaking differently about ourselves to ourselves is as an energy shift, we walk differently, we behave differently, and therefore we get different results.
Andy:Yeah, I, what you've made me think is, and this probably happens with your clients a lot is there was a time in my life, and I couldn't put my finger on it, where I, I don't know whether I switched, but I certainly became much more my own pal, if you like, and became much more compassionate, to use that word. And the silly example I can think of, I was never a big fan of having my photograph taken. I'd never thought of myself as particularly photogenic. And at some point, I just decided, Oh, what the hell? I'm gonna go with this. I'm gonna be if someone's got a camera out, yeah, I look great in photos and I'm gonna give it me looking great in a photo, and it sort of comes from inside. And guess what? You know, you look like well, who's he? He's smiling. Got a big huge smile on his face. He must like having his photo taken. Hey, presto.
Mary Barrett:I love that. I mean that you know, it's that thing that comes to mind is if I believe I can I can, if I believe I can't I can't. Both are true. And you're in the driving seat of that.
Andy:Ah, is there anything I mean, we could go on couldn't we. There's so much stuff we could knock about together. It's it's a lot of fun. Mary, is there anything else we should talk about that is a burning a burning thought right now that you'd like to share?
Mary Barrett:I think the only other thing that is a point on the leadership note, like we talked about EQ and why it is important if you're a leader to have EQ? Why would you bother listening to our conversation around it? What's so important and, you know, the leaders that have those, and I go back to those five stages, Daniel Goleman, five stages that self awareness, self regulation, that motivation, that empathy, and that social networking, when you have a leader and you all know out there listeners, the leader that had that EQ, it's just life is easier, it's things get done, you know, and the research proves productivity is higher, you know, change is the only constant, and the more we as human beings can navigate and manage change with EQ, that's with the leader leading the change as well as an individual in the change, and understand why we do what we do, why we react to uncertainty, why we're so cautious about things, then when we have that knowledge, we can change our dialogue on that and be more empowered and get the results that we want. That's personally or business or your team.
Andy:So I'm thinking, as you're saying that I'm listening and thinking, what does that mean? How does that how can we make this as easy as possible for people to grasp and take their first steps with? I'm thinking human beings, we're rational, and we're emotional, we're a mix of the two. And the actions we take tend to be from a place as one of my guests, Dr. Ted Prince, said, we we make decisions from a place of mixed rationality. So sometimes there's very logical thoughts. And often there's a lot of emotion in there. So as a leader, we need to be able to work with with all of that and recognise the impact that the rational and the emotional are having on all of us and behave in ways that are going to elicit the best results.
Mary Barrett:Yeah, and thing to remember, is we, we are emotional beings. And the rational part of our mind is 10% that think instruction mind, the unconscious part of our mind is 90%. And that's where all our memories I call your unconscious mind is like the iCloud. So anything in your life or not, is stored in the iCloud. So every decision we make is normally made on what's happened to us last time. So if I'm in a team you're managing and we have to change immediately I'm going into the iCloud and go last time I changed in an organisation is was really rubbish and I had a really bad time. I'm gonna resist this change because I'm really not certain it's going to be a good thing for me. So our future decisions are made on our past memories.
Andy:Yeah. And that's you trying to protect yourself, your body doing what it does, your brain doing what it does to protect yourself from future discomfort or harm
Mary Barrett:to use a wonderful metaphor, which is relevant for your podcast is too many people are going through life using the rear window screen as the main screen. So if you're in a car, that big screen is the future, isn't it? But what they're doing is that rearview mirror, they're letting the past influence their vision of where they're going in the future. So what they need to do is reframe, repackage, reprogram what's happened historically, to decide what it is you want to refer. But going back to that point about the leaders, why do I need to know this? You can move people technically through change and the process, technical, rational side of it. But unless you harness and understand people's emotions, and the fear, that is stopping people making the change, the change will never be as successful and as fruitful as it could be.
Andy:Yes, you got to bring their emotional side on the journey, as well or handle the impact of that. Thank you Mary. So much food for thought in this conversation. I really enjoyed it. Absolutely. We could talk a lot longer. I'm very grateful for you joining me today and sharing your insights and some of your history as well. We almost drifted between being a fully fledged Career-view Mirror episode and this side mirror, where we talk about learning and development, leadership development, personal development topics. So a bit of a hybrid conversation and one that I've thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you very much.
Mary Barrett:Thank you. ever so grateful that you've invited me as your guest, and I thoroughly enjoyed connecting with you again, thank you so much.
Andy:You've been listening to Career-view Mirror with me, Andy Follows. And for this episode, Mary Barrett the Mind Coach. I hope you found some helpful points to reflect on and more importantly, act on. As Mary said, quoting Susan Jeffers, feel the fear and do it anyway. You can contact Mary via LinkedIn and via email, and we'll put links in the show notes to this episode. We'll also put a link in to her podcast A Cup of Tea with Mary B, and her website. If you enjoy listening to my guests stories, please could you do me a favour and click on the Follow button in the app that you use to listen to your podcasts. This helps our podcast grow so that we can continue to share the wealth of experience that our guests have amassed during their careers so far. Thanks for listening.
Osman Abdelmoneim:No matter how hard you try, no matter how hard working you are, you're never going to be able to do it on your own. It's just not possible.
Paul Harris:You know, at the end of the day, you're steering your own destiny. So if it's not happening for you, and you're seeing what you want out there, then go out there and connect.
Sherene Redelinghuys:Don't rely on others. You you have to do it yourself. You have to take control.
Rupert Pontin:If you've got an idea if you've got a thought about something that might be successful. If you've got a passion to do something yourself, but you just haven't quite got there, do it.
Tom Stepanchak:Take a risk. Take a chance stick your neck out what's the worst that can happen? You fall down okay, you pick yourself up and try again.